![\"Layla\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.amyglaze.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/DSC_3452.jpg?resize=1024%2C917\")
<\/a><\/p>\nBabas don’t do this. Only Mamas. You don’t hear Babas referring to themselves as “Babas”. And this switch to ‘Mama’ happens literally upon birth. I remember thinking to myself shortly after Layla’s arrival: “Why am I speaking to my daughter in this weird version of third person?” But it was too late, the mythical ‘Mama’ had already taken over my former self.<\/p>\n
Two year olds do not mince words. Mostly because they have so few to mince from. My daughter is bossy. She has no problem telling her father “Baba, water!” and pointing to the sink or “Mama, uppy!” and lifting her little arms up for a snuggle or “Little Bean, go!” and ushering our little dog outside. She gets right down to business. So in turn, I find myself speaking in the most direct form when it’s crucial. Very chef-like, but perhaps even a bit more authoritarian. Like when she reaches up towards the stove when I’m cooking or decides she wants to bring her dolls under my feet while I’m saut\u00e9eing, it’s just a direct: “Layla \u2013 NO!” It’s like this higher power\u00a0controls my brain and takes over completely when my daughter’s safety is in question. I don’t think about it for a second, it just happens. Phrases like: “Get down now”, “Two hands”, “No weeeee” (for when she tries to do backflips off my bent knees while I’m lying on the sofa), “Stay put”, etc, etc, etc….\u00a0no mincing around for Mama.<\/p>\n
Layla has her own language which both Mama and Baba have adopted\u00a0in order to communicate. For example the TV is called “No-no” and I’m sure you can guess as to why.\u00a0And she prefaces shows with “no-no” when she wants to\u00a0see something on TV like: “No-No-Chef” for Junior Top Chef\u00a0or “No-No-Pup” which is a learning program starring a purple pup named Violet. “Dah-doo” is ‘thank you’, “dood” is ‘bread’ for some unknown reason \u2013 even the Farsi translation isn’t close, and “pwwwweeez” is obviously ‘please’.<\/p>\n
Animals are simply referred to by the sounds they make. So, a cat is a “meow-meow” (pronounced mow-mow), a horse is a “nay-nay”, a rabbit is a “hop-hop” (because they don’t really make a sound), a rooster is a “doodle-doo” a chicken is a “bok-bok” and a monkey is an “ooo-ooo-eee-eee-ah-ah”. I’m not sure if it’s directly related to Layla-ese, but the repetition in the animal sounds has definitely driven Mama to repeat herself often when talking to Layla and unfortunately sometimes when talking to Baba too. Or maybe Layla repeats the animal sounds in\u00a0part because Mama always repeats herself. Oh, I don’t know. Which came first, the chicken or the bok-bok?<\/p>\n
Mama doesn’t sleep. Really. Ever. I mean, Mama hasn’t had more than three hours of consecutive sleep for two years and that is no joke. And lack of sleep greatly effects the way Mama talks. There are times that Mama can’t remember what exactly she\u00a0is saying and on nights where Layla\u00a0is sleepless there is a stutter that accompanies Mama’s normal conversation because the brain and the tongue just aren’t working in tandem anymore. As you can probably tell, Mama normally isn’t one that has any problem putting thoughts to tongue, but these days if she can think far enough to the end of a sentence,\u00a0she’s ahead of the game.<\/p>\n
There’s also the really smushy gushy\u00a0fruity high pitched talk that happens and Babas are guilty of this too. It’s really hard not to pick Layla up constantly and kiss her and snuggle her and tell her she’s Mama’s: sugar pea, sweet peach, nut (when she’s silly), sweetie pie,\u00a0jujeh<\/em> (little chicken in Farsi) or\u00a0petit chou<\/em> (‘little cream puff’ literally translated). I mean these are things Mama would have rolled\u00a0her eyes at before motherhood.\u00a0She would have been like: “Seriously, you’re likening your child to a vegetable?” had she heard this\u00a0on this street. But something happens with\u00a0you have kids and the brain just flips a switch. Unfortunately, I’m afraid, there is no ‘off’ for that switch…<\/p>\n Aside from Mama stuttering, repeating\u00a0herself often, shouting short orders, and talking about fruit in a weird little kid’s voice, I’d say Mama is mostly an\u00a0eloquent speaker\u00a0who\u00a0is\u00a0adept at handling both sides of the conversation. When talking to Layla, she doesn’t always talk back. So if Mama asks her: “What color is the sky today?” and\u00a0Layla doesn’t respond, then Mama finishes\u00a0her own question with a: “The color of the sky is blue today”. To the untrained eye, it might appear that Mama is suffering from a mild form of\u00a0Schizophrenia\u00a0since she pretty much makes conversation with\u00a0herself all day and sometimes even rehearses and sings conversation back and forth to herself.<\/p>\n But no, it’s just part of how to talk like a Mom…<\/p>\n Oh how life has changed since How to Talk Like a French Chef<\/a>!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"